once again i'm reminded how difficult functioning is w/this shit. typing, spelling, choosing the right words, making even simple decisions, remembering how to do easy stuff. it's like scrambled eggs in a blender up there; the harder you try to bypass the vortex the stronger it seems to get. sometimes it even makes me nauseous.
very thankful i've got a reserve of klonopin tucked away, & i'm not afraid to use it. i only take a minimal amount when i've tried to do the day without it, but the roller coaster just. wont. stop.
the point i keep intending to make, however, is how easily i forget the difficulties when i'm feeling better. the longer i feel 'normal', the less able i can relate to people around me still suffering. so if i'm to be any kind of blessing to those folks, i guess it's only fitting that i should lose my balance every so often. keeps me honest, as the saying goes. & even though i don't like the experience, i can still be grateful for it. there are too many of us out there in need of a kind word, & if i get to be someone who gives it, then it enriches my life as well.
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