Mind On Fire

yeah,
it's back
again.
the twitter feed
going off in my head
only
not words, 
but sensations . . .

maybe this is what they call 
synapses
i don't know
but i want to sound intelligent
almost like i know what i'm talking about
instead of just feeling
what i feel.

from out of nowhere
comes the zapping - 
behind my forehead
somewhere
back inside my brain
not close enough to touch
or massage it away
maybe temple to temple
~ back there,
somewhere.

& as always,
i blame myself.

i stop drinking coffee
or switch to decaf
but i won't exercise
(except for mowing the lawn)
everything i do is wrong
or goes awry
'nothing's ever easy'
i still hear my mom say
& now i know
how right she was.

sleeping
is my best friend
but even she 
turns on me;
i wake up
exhausted
& confused.

would jumping jacks fix this?
or running down the street
like a madman?
how many miles would it take?
walking w/fists clenched -
thumbs tucked in,
mind on fire.

5.5.2019