You Matter

maybe some things
aren't to be understood
only felt.
maybe i don't have the power to heal you
even though my heart
loves.
i don't know how
or where this connection comes from
only that
to Me
it's real. 

You Matter.

& whatever it is
or was
that brought you to this place
of mental malaise
cannot be undone
unless you allow it.
& to allow it,
you must admit it.
i would sit with you 
& hear you out
countless hours
if you would only dare
speak the truth.

i am incapable
& unwilling
to continue listening to lies
that leave you standing 
in the mire
of your own lonely deceit.
one day
i will have to walk away
& the first steps 
have already begun;
my heart
stretched to it's fullest capacity
is beginning 
to tear
apart.

pegw.

 2021 

bfb

 

the secret

 

In My Opinion (1)

sometimes, when life seems overwhelming to me, i take a sleep day.

i know this option isn't available to everyone, but i find a nap, or even a cuddle under the blankies by yourself can make a profound difference.  direct your thinking to the things in your life that are Happy, Fortunate, & Easily Overlooked when it feels like life is ganging up on you.  even if that bears some truth, unless the house is on fire or there is a crisis needing immediate attention, taking 20 mins. (or however long you can spare) to nurture your Inner Self can give you the strength to continue forward.  i don't mean to sound overly simplistic, but shifting your focus to the comfort of your own bed can often make a difference.  your mind may still be racing, but mentally fighting it with words that soothe you (for me, i think "nice, soft, safe, & warm") & continuing to be persistent when you find the racing thoughts return will hopefully begin to bring you some peace.  i also have an old lullaby i sing silently in my head, or sometimes use counting as a distraction.  it's not important if you finish the song, or lose track of your numbers when the thoughts come back ~ just start over ~ again & again if you have to.

having received several years of cognitive behavioural thinking (CBT), i've found that many professionals discourage sleeping unless it's at normal bedtime hours, & i agree with this to a point.  but only You & I have learnt our own personal limitations to dealing with stressors, & forcing ourselves to continue on when we need a positive 'time out' can often make things worse, causing more damage than good.  'naps' used Occasionally are not as likely to mess with your regular sleep as they are to bolster your ability to deal with your waking hours, along with the typically recommended fresh air & sunshine.  at least, that's been my UNprofessional experience.

oh ~ & if you choose to bring a favourite stuffie to bed, i totally support that!  after all, many of us who struggle are only 100% 'grown-ups' on the Outside. :)

pegw.

2021

 

Catfish

so i guess this is how
you don't say goodbye.
dwindling texts
absence of memes
& well wishes of
the permanent kind.

i thought i had this covered.
there have been times i thought
i'd even welcome it.
but now that it's here
(& you're gone)
sadness hangs on me
like a too-familiar garment.

never dreamed things would go on so long ~
never dreamed i'd be willing to dismiss
so many lies.
now i hunger for them.
you are so good at feigning love!
do you never even want The Real Thing?
or do you prefer the game
of catch & release;
laying out
your trotline,
& baiting up
for next time . . . 

Mela

2021